Yeah, creative titles are my forte.

Introspection man, that’s a killer. Sometimes i wonder if i am so prone to it because i am an only child. Most people who find out this detail about me either look at me with condescending scorn or a mixture of awe and longing. And no i don’t know what it ‘feels like’. Why do people keep asking me what it ‘feels like’? What does it feel like? Now I’m curious to know.

Another thing i am curious to know is the exact reason as to why i work out. Introspection can be a killer, but no amount of it has succeeded in killing my need for physical exercise, maybe this post will.

I am one of those serial things people like to call fitness freaks. Although i’ll grant you that my physique does not reflect it very well. Well, i suppose it reflects it fairly enough given the degree of my freakhood but i digress.

I have wondered why i do it. I am ashamed to say i look at myself a lot. Thats kinda messed up when you think about it. But then we all have messed up little skeletons in our closets that we keep in locked drawers hidden deep inside the darkness, behind all the other, cooler skeletons you don’t mind people knowing about. One just hopes they’ll eventually disappear into Narnia and bother the Ice Queen or Aslan for a while instead of nagging you.

But they just stick around in the background and show up to scare the shit out of you by silently manifesting themselves when you are alone.

And I was under the impression that i was alone in thinking these thoughts. I guess I must have assumed that every other Rameez, Shehan and Lalith at the gym were simply autobots programmed to lift, flex, rest and lift and not think about it at all during any point of their whole week. That sort of crazy thinking is also probably a possible side affect of me being an only child.

Anyway last Friday i spoke to this dude with whom i’d previously had only a passing acquaintance. But on that night we had a good chat cos the gym was empty and it was hot and we were losing more water than we could take in, resulting in plenty breaks. And in a few words he articulated exactly what i felt so well that the moment i turned back to my weights all i could think was I AM NOT ALONE!

See, the narcissim gets to you. You start thinking whether the purpose of all this sweat and effort is simply for a cause as shallow as looking good. But the rush you get when you workout is like a drug. Without it you get depressed and restless and irritable. 

I need to exercise to calm me down especially when im stressed with other stuff. I find it useful in order to develop a sense of perspective. I read somewhere that the drug morphine releases the same chemicals (endorphins) into your body, minus all the sweat and effort. Guess that’s the easy way out. Just pop that pill and save yourself the cost of the gym membership and all the trouble homie.

So whether i run on the beach until im exhausted, blindly punch that bag till my dad yells about shaking rafters or hit the weights at the gym till i burn im still seeking that thrill. That moment after the storm. That position of equilibrium when iv reached the top, the peak of exhaustion where i stop, pant and see the world minus the haze. My vision is clear. I think nothing.

Im an addict. Now i almost wish i could go back to being a narcissist. Almost. But the feeling is too good.

  1. Gehan said:

    agreed, agreed and agreed..!

    yes my friend u are not alone, that particular skeleton has a brother in my closet as well 😀

    though surely being an ‘addict’ is better than being a narcissist..

    love the Narnia joke.. lol.. good post!

    • T said:

      true, gehan does spend a lot of time looking at himself.

  2. Good bloody post. Sometimes exercise does more wonders to the mind than to the body.

  3. Wait, so people ask you what it feels like to be an only child, or what it feels like to be introspective? If it’s the former, do people also automatically assume that you’re spoilt, the way they do with me?

  4. Whacko said:

    Gehan – Nice to have some company im sure! in fact, the more i talk to people who work out, the more i realize we all share the same thoughts

    Unsilent – undoubtedly man!

    MC – Whats so funny? 😀

    PR – Only child. And yeah thats like the basic assumption isnt it. also they talk about getting a lot of attention. As if thats a good thing!

  5. I’m afraid going to have to dispel your assumption that people prone to introspection are those who don’t have siblings.

    As you know I’ve got three siblings, but I often find myself in introspection- specially on the drives to work and back, and even when I’m supposed to be working, I’m constantly trying to figure myself out.

    Maybe it’s narcissism… Maybe I think I’m fascinating 😛

    Either way, the conclusion I’ve drawn from it is that it’s best to know who you are. Even though I don’t suppose we’ll ever quite fully understand ourselves, knowing who we are and having a better understanding as to why we do and think what we do as individuals, makes us better at facing situations and even dealing with other people. (I can explain this at length ’cause I’ve actually thought about this before 😛 but I’ll spare you the details).

    As for exercising I don’t know much about the feeling, though I’ve noticed I generally feel better and am more productive on the days I swim a few laps and re-energise with fresh fruit juice 😀 in the morning before I get to the office.

  6. Whacko said:

    Ah so its NOT because im an only child then.. Its cos of something else! but yeah knowing ourselves and knowing where we’re going does give us a better perspective on things. And i wasn’t assuming that people prone to introspection are those who dont have siblings. My assumption was the people who dont have siblings are prone to introspection. but there are obviously other factors at play and we cant generalize. As for the swimming, yup, what you describe sounds defa like an endorphin boost.

  7. Exercise is a necessary part of life that we conveniently forget after we get wrapped in the corporate life style… and then we use our money to pay for medical bills to keep us alive. Because you know… money solves everything.

    • Whacko said:

      no shit

  8. Cadence said:

    I gym. Atleast 3-4 times a week for 2 hrs for the last 5 years…and I hate every waking moment of it. There’s no rush, no looking forward to, no equilibrium, no nothing. In fact, the mere thought of having to work out after a gruelling day at work is half the battle than gymming itself!

    The only reason I’m manic about it is coz I need to stick to this regime just to fit into my clothes, and the fact that someday when this 2hrs a day, 4 days a week thing becomes the unsustainable thing that it is and when biological changes take place, all this agony will be of no use. So I try not to think so far. I gym to stay fit and healthy and yes I am vain and want to look good, wear nice clothes that don’t need half a bedsheets worth of material to sew.

    Though, once in my gear at the gym I definitely kick some tush 🙂 and a half baked workout doesn’t generally happen. I do enjoy it once I get going, but the next day is not looked forward to!

    So the Morphine pill would be lost on me. Good Post Whacko.

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